When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
