I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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