you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
