I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
