Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
