Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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