I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize