so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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