Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he thought i was a dude.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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