They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
