i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
