One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
