Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
