can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
