i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
