found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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