bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
