I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
