Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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