i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize