I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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