I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
