dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
