Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
