well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she pinky promised me she was 18
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
