I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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