did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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