Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
