You're so nebulous sometimes
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
