Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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