I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize