just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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