remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You've changed since you got that strap on
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
