i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude. I can hear the air.
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