Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
