The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
