So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
