I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
