I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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