weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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