I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
