he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
