i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
