I love black thongs
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
