Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
