just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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