You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
