I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
