i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
