ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
