I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
