i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
