In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize