I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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