my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
