okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How does it feel to date your dad?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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