I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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