I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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