how can u be prego again
I just threw up on my dentist
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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