Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
