Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
