I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
