hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
