We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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