Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize