Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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